regarding daddy-hood and My little Noelle

When Noelle was born it opened in me a new world. Though people continually reminded me of all the sleepless nights and, in my particular case, the "payback" for the energy I had as a child, I knew there was far more than that. Is it that most want to warn you of the negatives, or is there a pervasive attitude that children are less than a blessing until they become more "adult-like"? Of these things, I am not sure. But, I do know that as I reflect on the time I had with Noelle as she was a newborn, I only really remember loving her. With Holt here now, I think back to how it was with Noelle, and regardless of my less than stellar memory, I loved her so much, and really cant remember what she "put us through" as an infant.

What I remember is the way my heart raced and joy to the point of tears on a particular morning when I entered her room to get her out of bed and she looked at me, smiled, and with every fiber in her being expressed excitement at knowing that her daddy, her protector, her hero, was there to pick her up. Daddy-hood is not payback!

I have always had a deep connection with Noelle, I think the Lord made her like me in ways that will continue to be revealed throughout lifes experiences. I prayed so hard that she would know that her daddy loves her. When she sits on my lap and lays her head back on my chest with my arms around her little body we both know that it is our special place, where she is safe with her daddy, and he knows his little girl feels her daddy! Daddy-hood is worth any sleepless night!

As I continue to push through the flaws within myself, I have many prayers for Noelle and myself.
I pray constantly that the sin in my heart not drive her from the never failing love of Christ. Noelle does not understand that I work all day, and she should not. I am not patient at the end of the day. I get frustrated when she wants to play with me and I want to just relax on the floor for a while. My patience is short when she wants to read books but turns the pages too fast and doesnt understand why I didnt finish "talking about" each page. But, my selfish sinful heart should never push the important time with her away from me. My laziness and low energy should never effect how she looks at her daddy.
I pray for her soul!! I ask that He pull her close to Him very very early. I want her to understand His love for her and know Him deeply at a very young age.

As she gets older, and becomes more and more independent, I pray that she still needs her daddy's hugs and kisses.
I want this...
Just a day or two before she gets married I want her to come to me and say "Daddy, can I sit in your lap?" I want to hold her with her head on my shoulder and tell her how proud I am of the woman she is. And how much I have prayed for her and how excited I am for her to put her full trust in an honorable man who loves Jesus. I want to talk about her sitting in my lap on the floor when she was two when she had her head on my chest in this same special place. I cant imagine how it will feel that day, knowing that my daddy role will change so much. It will no longer be the same. She will be leaving me to cleave to another man. He will now be the protector and the Hero. I will advise and counsel when needed, and will always love the hugs and kisses, but there is a different role now.

I love being the daddy to my little girl. I look forward to seeing how our relationship evolves as she grows.
I pray she never questions whether her daddy loves her.